I get the same forty questions a week, so I finally sat down and wrote the answers out properly. Half of it is the aesthetic — the nails, the gloss, where the low-rise stuff comes from, how to shoot on a digicam without it looking like a crime scene. The other half is from people who have never subscribed to anything like this before and have completely reasonable questions they feel weird asking out loud. Both are down there. I promise I'm not laughing at anyone.
quick facts
- SignatureChrome nails. Always. I've had the same shape for four years and I'm not changing it.
- Gloss situationFrosted, sticky, and there are six in my bag right now. Three of them are the same shade.
- Comfort era2002 to 2006. The lighting was worse and everything was better.
- Drink of choiceIced coffee I take three sips of, then abandon somewhere in the flat.
- CameraA real digital camera from 2007 with the flash forced on. The bad photos are the good ones.
- Hidden talentI can do a full set of nails on my right hand with my left. Badly, but I can.
- UniformLow-rise, something cropped, way too many rhinestones, and a bag with nothing useful in it.
- Biggest fearMy hair going flat in public with no way to fix it.
- WeaknessAnything with a butterfly on it. I have no defence and I've stopped trying to build one.
- Karaoke songToxic. Every time, badly, with total commitment.
- Cannot stand"You'd look better natural." Sir, this is a chrome nail. I have made my position clear.
- Always within reachGloss, a hair clip, a portable charger, and a receipt I refuse to throw away.
the questions
Split in two, because they are two completely different conversations.
favourites
- Music
- 2000s pop, early Britney, Gwen's solo stuff, Kesha, Sugababes, and a lot of Eurodance I can't justify
- Films
- Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, Josie and the Pussycats, Bring It On, Jennifer's Body
- Comfort watch
- Early-2000s reality TV. No plot, no stakes, everyone tanned and unwell. Perfect.
- Colour
- That silvery baby pink that goes slightly blue in the light. It's on everything I own.
- Food
- Anything from a food court. Cold noodles at 1am. A pastry I bought for the packaging.
- Shopping
- Depop at 3am, actual charity shops in the daytime, and one eBay seller I'd fight someone over
a day in my life
I wake up late and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. First forty minutes are horizontal, phone six inches from my face, catching up on everything that happened while I was asleep. Then an iced coffee the size of my forearm and a shower I stay in far too long. My skincare routine is eleven steps and I will not be defending it.
Middle of the day is the unglamorous part nobody wants to see. Shooting, editing, replying, re-doing a nail that chipped in the first five minutes, and steaming something that will be wrinkled again by the time I've set the camera up. I do my own hair and it takes an hour and a half. The 'effortless' look is a lie invented to sell products.
Evenings are when I'm actually good company. Everything gets edited with something loud on in the background, I answer messages properly instead of in fragments, and at some point I end up on a video call with one of the other girls where we get nothing done for two hours. I keep saying I'll fix my sleep. It's not happening.
ask me anything
Completely anonymous — I don't get a name, an email, or anything else. I read all of them and I answer the ones worth answering right here.